Suicidal, obese, 6th grade education.. can someone please help me get my life in order?(Sorry if this is in the wrong subreddit) (self.AskReddit)

Suicidal, obese, 6th grade education.. can someone please help me get my life in order?(Sorry if this is in the wrong subreddit) (self.AskReddit) submitted 3 hours ago by throwaway_159 So the title pretty much sums a great deal of it up. I'm 19, almost 20. I was pulled out of school in 6th grade because I was moving with my father. My father seemed to never have time and long story short, I was just flat out never re-enrolled. And as a kid, I didn't want to dispute that or remind him. I regret it. So my education has turned into something that of Swiss cheese. It's just not complete, it's missing some. Because of that almost all of my time has then been spent in-doors. I have one real friend I've had since I was very young, but hardly even speak to him anymore. So I'm always on the computer. Literally just about all day every single day. So I've plumped up to that of over 300 pounds and have become excessively lazy. My room looks like a tornado hit it it's so fucking dirty. I know some people like to see visual proof, so here is a picture of my room: http://i.imgur.com/5vMr5.jpg (I feel even worse after taking the picture and realizing just how pathetic I really am) So I'm a disgusting slob essentially, and that has moved on to hygiene as well. I shower probably once a week, and hate myself all the time for not cleaning my room or even washing my body. And even though I hate myself, I just will not do it. I won't. And I don't know why I can't make myself get up and do what I know should be a simple task. I'm almost 20, and haven't a clue how to drive. Honestly a big part of why I haven't even tried to get a learners is because I'm scared what I'm going to look like on the scale when I have to weigh myself. I've tried studying for my GED, but when I do I become so overwhelmed or just can't stay focused long enough for it to even matter. I read and read but the information doesn't stick and is gone within the next day. Especially when it comes to math. They don't get that advanced in the 6th grade, so I can barely multiply anything over 4 digits as pathetic as that sounds. The only work I've seemed to have found has been internet jobs, but I've made probably $4000 in the past year & 1/2. And honestly, I'm even lazy when it comes to that. The only thing I seem to ever have time for, the computer, and I can't even usually complete what should be an easy task on something I'm on every day. The thought of suicide is a constant. Especially at night time, that's when all of the emotions tend to pile up and my thoughts really run away from me into something very ugly. Every time I wake up I take a glance over at my desk from my bed, see how disgusting it is, tell myself "You're going to clean this today", and then of course don't. And the process is repeated over and over. I'm sorry if this post doesn't belong here. I didn't know where else I should put it. I'm sure I'll edit this post a few times in case I may have forgotten something. Please give any advice you can, I want to be a better person. I really do. If anyone has ever been through anything similar and has pulled themselves through it, share some advice. Please? tl;dr I'm a fat slob with an education almost that of none and want to kill myself. Edit1: Found out shortly after writing this that my sister is in the hospital and I need to go see her. I will be back later tonight and get to straightening out my room. I will post a picture of my room when it's clean later tonight. Thank you everyone who has given me advice. You've done a lot of cheering up for me today and I am truly grateful. I'll be back later tonight and respond to you guys and check up on what was said. Thank you! 687 commentssharesavehidereport top 200 commentsshow 500 sorted by: best formatting help save [–]govgrip 1 point 261 milliseconds ago Simple: drop insane communist mindset, realise that capitalism means you can amke as much money as you want as long as you produce. Start program of sprints and pushups doing 15min a day every day. Get an old pc and learn freebsd and awk and get a nice 50k computer job. Then as you gain experience you make 6 figs as you learn kvm virtualization and san storage and maybe c programming. Save 1/3 of your money and move near the beach. Adopt polytheism and have monay gods so yu don't have weird judeo christian guilt about sex and have sex a lot. don't let other take your money or tell you what to do. don't do drugs or over drink alcohol and keep training physically and slightly reduce food so you get muscular toned body. Dress sexy when go out short dress heels long hair and be fun. Don't get tata liek a wannbe. Invest some money in stock market and trend trade per gv72 dot com. have good accountant do taxes early. Don't buy expensive car.